4.14.2009

Pre-Birthday Blues and thoughts on Christmas

I think it goes without saying from the title, that my birthday is coming. I don't know how to say this, but for some reason my birthday always seems to equal, me with bad moods. I think it's because my parents always said things like "it's YOUR birthday Andy, do what you want." For some reason that always meant, throw a tantrum when I don't get what I want. 

I'm not sure if it's the influx of gifts and money that make me this way, or if I just feel that on my birthday (and even the days leading up to it) I am better than everyone else on the planet. Either way, I think that when I get all this "stuff" it makes me a little crabbier, and much less fun to get along with. My guess it is the materialism that appears in me when I start thinking about presents, and things I'm going to buy with MY money. I hate that. I spend all year, attempting to get over materialism, and then for about 2 weeks, I become a shopaholic, selfish, hypocrite. I wish materialism wasn't something I ever had to worry about. It shouldn't be, I have just about everything someone could ask for. 

I feel like materialism, that constant wanting more in life, is just a slap in the face to all the poor people in the world. There are millions of people that live on less that $25 a day. Where as, I am sitting thinking about buying $150 climbing shoes and $50 harnesses... It's lame. 

Another thing I've noticed, is that I don't have this same attitude around Christmas time. Perhaps it's the general holiday cheer, but I just never see this sort of materialism. What it really is that gifts are given and received on Christmas. Like everything sort of equals out, so that you aren't spending more or less on anyone than they are on you. (Although this isn't true in my life, but it will be when I make real money... thanks Mom and Dad) It's just general goodwill all the time, where as this day, my birthday, is centered solely on me. That's where the problem lies. I think I need a few joint birthdays to get over myself...

Andy 

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